Harry's Humor
by MoonlightGoddess1
Summary: Really funny scenes invloving Harry's crew! includes Draco, Ginny, Harry, Hermione and Ron! rating mostly for language. More to come! also a cute introduction by our favourite boys, Harry and Draco! Please REVIEW!!!! **chapter Three & A/N** uploaded
1. Harry's Humor--1

Harry's Humor  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Harry: Hello to all you Harry fans out there! Whoo! I love you all! I'm Harry Potter, and I'm number one!!  
  
(fans screaming in the audience)  
  
Draco: Yeah right, Potter, you wouldn't even be number negative seven if our brilliant author didn't cut you a break and let you win all those fights  
  
Harry: (glares at Draco) anyway, as I was saying before I got rudely interrupted, welcome to Harry's Humor! And since MoonlightGoddess isn't able to make it to the show tonight, I'm gonna be the amazing host and Draco here(points at Draco carelessly)will be my assistant. (winks at audience)  
  
Draco: I wanted to be host too!  
  
Harry: So?  
  
Draco: Well, at least let me say the disclaimer's notes, please?  
  
Harry: (rolls eyes) Fine, fine, fine.  
  
Draco: (clears voice, holds out scrap of paper. Squints)All right, um,(clears throat)The-amazing-Harry-Potter-and-all-characters-belong to the magnificent-and-brilliant-JK-Rowling-please-don't-sue!( looks up from paper) ha! See, Potter, I'm just as good as you!(looks around) Potter? POTTER!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* WALA!!  
  
Harry: (running around with face all green, and something in his mouth) ahh! Ahh! Wala! Wala! Oh, God, help me!  
  
Hermione: (sighs) If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, Harry, quit mistaking Ron's dirty socks for pancakes!  
  
Harry: Wala! WALA!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 4 MONTH & 27 DAYS!!  
  
Harry: (on his knees, with diamond ring)Ginny, my love, will you do me the honors of -  
  
Ginny: (holds up hand) hub, bub, bub, don't even say it, Harry  
  
Harry: Huh? But, Ginny, darling, I love you! Why won't you marry me?  
  
Ginny: Um, you might want to ask the fact that you haven't bathed in four months and twenty-seven days?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* CENTIPEDE??  
  
Ron: (on the streets as begger) Spare a change, gentlemen?  
  
Director: CUT!! PRINT!! That was excellent, Ron, fantastic job, I loved it when you played dumb and ate that centipede, your expression was excellent!  
  
Ron: (very pale) Centipede?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* HULA HULA DRAKE!!  
  
Draco: (in nothing but underpants and a hula hoop around his neck, running around) MUUWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! I am the evil hula hula Drake, and I'm GONNA do the HULA!!!!!!!!!  
  
(runs past Hermione, who was reading Hogwarts: A History)  
  
Hermione: (sits up) Draco? Draco! Did you forget to take your pills again? (sighs) Professor Dumbledore even reminded you to take them hourly!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* MY GAME OR MY GIRL??  
  
Hermione: Um, Draco? Can I say something?  
  
Draco: (playing Game Boy) Yeah?  
  
Hermione: Well, I-I've been thinking over the summer, and um, you know what I concluded?  
  
Draco: ( player in Game Boy loses a life) WHAT?? ( stares at Game Boy)  
  
Hermione: Okay, I um, you know this is very hard for me to say, but-  
  
Draco: (trying to get player in game to shoot his ammo) Oh, for Heaven's sake, SHOOT, DAMMIT!!  
  
Hermione: Oh! Well, um, fine, I-I-I can't say it! I don't want to hurt you, Draco! Do you want me to say it?  
  
Draco: (player in game scores an extra life) YES!!  
  
Hermione: All right, I think we should break up. (shuts eyes for shocking response)  
  
Draco: (player in game dies) Oh, FUCK!!  
  
Hermione: (bursts into tears) I knew it! I'm sorry, Draco! But I've fallen in love with Harry!  
  
Draco: (still staring at Game Boy) Damn! I will never get these Mudblood shits!  
  
Hermione: (gasps) I know you're hurt, Draco, but there's no need to swear at me! I hate you! I'm leaving, have a nice life! (storms out of room)  
  
Draco: (sighs) Fuck. How can my player die like that? Now, Hermione, did you want to say something? Hermione? (looks around) Oh, well. (turns back to Game Boy)  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* WHEN YOU FALL IN LOVE.  
  
Ginny: (singing)When you fall into a river, there is a boat!  
  
Draco: (singing) When you fall into a well, there is a rope!  
  
Ron: (singing) When you fall in love.  
  
Neville: (jumps into the group, arms outstretched.) There is no hooooope?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* HELP!!  
  
Hermione: (being held captive by pirates) Help!! Somebody help me!! (waving arms around-like Olive in Popeye.)  
  
Harry: Whoa-oh-oh-ohhh-oh-oh-ohhhhh(A/N-ya know, Tarzan yell() Hang on, my love! I'll save you!(swings down from rope) Whoa-oh-oh-ohhh-oh-oh-ohhhhh! Whaaaaaaaaaa!  
  
CRUNCH!!!  
  
Harry: (slams into tree) CRAP!! I did it AGAIN!! Oww.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* RAW STARFISH!!  
  
Hermione: (with a plate of food) Here, Draco, try one of these. They're delicious.  
  
Draco: Mmmm.They are good, what is it?  
  
Hermione: Raw starfish. I got them from the giant squid in the lake.  
  
Draco: (turning green) Um.uh.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* MANOUER!!  
  
Ron: (carrying Hermione in his arms) Just you wait, 'Mione, I bought you the most glamorous necklace there is.  
  
Ron: (trips on stone on the ground) Whoaaaa!!  
  
Hermione: (sent flying) Ronnnn!!  
  
SPLAT!!  
  
Hermione: ( in a pile of manoeur) Ronn!!  
  
Ron: (sweatdrops) oops. Hee hee, sorry!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* NOWHERE ISLAND  
  
Harry: Everyone hit the deck!  
  
(everybody fell flat on the ship's deck.)  
  
Draco: Why are we doing this, Potter? Nothing's happened.  
  
Harry: (shrugs) I dunno. I just seen lotsa people do it in movies, all right?  
  
Ginny: AHHHH!!! The boat's sinking!  
  
Ron: Everyone, quick! Grab a live jacket and put it on!  
  
Everyone: HOW?????  
  
Ron: Oh, crap! I forgot to teach you! I forgot to teach myself!  
  
Hermione: Jump!  
  
SPLASH!!  
  
Draco: I think we're save on this island. Wherever this island is.  
  
Harry: We're on Nowhere Island.  
  
Draco: Duh, Potter.  
  
Harry: No, really. (points to sign: NOWHERE ISLAND)  
  
Ginny: We'll be castaways! Like that movie, Cast Away!  
  
Harry: Yeah, Tom Hanks rocks.  
  
Hermione: Oh, no!  
  
Everyone: What? What?  
  
Hermione: I just realized something.  
  
Everyone: What? What?  
  
Hermione: We're stuck on Nowhere Island!  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Harry: Hello again, my lovely fans!  
  
(fans screaming in the audience)  
  
Harry: Well, I'm afraid that's all the time we have left for today, please rewiew! MoonlightGoddess loves reviews! And if any of you are interested in reading more of our enchanting humors again, please come back in two days. Now I'm serious, MoonlightGoddess is very, very, very punctual. If she says two days, then she means two days. Very punctual. Unlike somebody around here.(glares at Draco)  
  
Draco: What? What's your problem, Potter?  
  
Harry: Oh, look who's talking, Mister I-gotta-go-to-the-bathroom-I'll-be- back-in-five-minutes-but-wasn't-back-for-two-hours. You gotta see a doctor about your bladder problem, Malfoy.  
  
Draco: Please don't listen to the madman, my fellow Draco fans, we'll be back on Harry's Humor, and once again, I'm the amazing Draco, and this over here is the um, not so amazing Harry Potter.  
  
Harry: Hey! 


	2. Harry's Humor--2

Harry's Humor  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Harry: Welcome back, my friends, to another round of Harry's Humor! I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I get to be the host of every single Harry's Humor!  
  
(fans screaming in the audience)  
  
Harry: The bad news is that Draco has to be my assistant in all the rounds.  
  
(Draco fans screaming in the audience)  
  
Draco: Hey, Potter, I expect to be called co-host, instead of assistant. Don't forget your manners, now.  
  
Harry: Don't be cocky with me, Malfoy. I still remember the snog you gave Mione, and I'm not gonna forget it anytime soon! And also, MoonlightGoddess doesn't own any of us and everything that has to do with us belongs to J.K. Rowling!  
  
Draco: And, without further ado, here's the show!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
EVIL TWINS!!  
  
Ginny's evil twin sister: Heh, heh, heh! Now all I have to do is sneak into Hogwarts, snatch Harry, hex him so he would forget about Ginny and fall in love with me!( rubs hands together)  
  
Ginny's evil twin sister: (grabs Harry) Gotcha! Now, look deep into my eyes, you are getting sleepy.hey! Your eyes aren't green! You aren't Harry!  
  
Larry: Nope. I'm "Larry". Harry's evil twin brother. Say, you're kinda cute! I can assure you, doll, that I'm much more charming than my goody goody twin will ever be.  
  
Ginny's evil twin sister: (disgusted) Ugh, if you're not Harry, then take a hike, bozo, I only want Harry. Ta! (Disaparates)  
  
Larry: (frozen in shock) I've been rejected.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
FIREBOLTS!!  
  
Harry: (kicking his Firebolt) Come on! Fly! (slaps Firebolt) Fly, damn it! I'm late for a date with Hermione! Hurry up!  
  
Firebolt: Well, you should've clipped my tail twigs last night.  
  
Harry: (rolls eyes) I'm sorry, I'm sorry, all right? Now, move! We've got reservations at La Chateau Rouge! It cost me a fortune just to get them!  
  
Firebolt: (shrugs tail) Hey, tough. You should've thought about that before you forgot to clip my tail twigs!  
  
Harry: (getting off) All right, that's it. If you don't move right now, I'm going to leave you here.  
  
Firebolt: Good riddance!  
  
Harry: Ya, know, Hermione's bringing her Silver Star 2000 with her.  
  
Firebolt: Silver Star 2000? All right!! (takes off)  
  
Harry: Hey! Hey! HEY!! GOD DAMMIT!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
LOBSTER AND CRABBE!!  
  
Ron: I'm getting mighty tired of you, Lobster!  
  
Crabbe: It's Crabbe!  
  
Ron: WHATever, I'm warning you now, leave my sister alone, or I'll make your life living hell, ya hear?  
  
Crabbe: Oh, yeah? You and what army?  
  
Ron: Me and THIS army. (points to behind him)  
  
(Harry, Hermione, Ginny, Draco, Neville drops down from roof)  
  
Harry: We're ready for you, Lobster!  
  
Hermione: We're not afraid of you, Lobster!  
  
Draco: We're gonna cream you, Lobster!  
  
Ginny: You're going down, Lobster!  
  
Neville: You make me sick, Lobster!  
  
Ron: Well, Lobster, any last words?  
  
Crabbe: For the love of God, my NAME is CRABBE!! CRABBE, CRABBE, CRAAAAAABBE!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
ACTION!!  
  
Ron: (in director's chair) All right, people, take your places!  
  
Neville: (with camera in hand) Uh, boss.  
  
Ron: Quiet on the set! And.ACTION!!  
  
Harry: (takes out wand) You'redeadMalfoy!  
  
Draco: Gimmeyourbestshot!  
  
Ron: CUT!! Yo, give it a little slowness here, shall we? Slowness!! Now, retake! Take your places!  
  
Neville: Uh, boss.  
  
Ron: Quiet on the set! And.ACTION!!  
  
Harry: (takes out wand) YOU-ARE-DEAAAD-MAAL-FOYYY!!  
  
Draco: GI-ME-YOU-RE-BE-ST-SHOT!!  
  
Ron: CUT!! Yo, man, let it flow with feeling, all right? With feeling! Now, retake! Take your places!  
  
Neville: Uh, boss.  
  
Ron: Quiet on the set! And.ACTION!!  
  
Harry: (takes out wand) you're dead, Malfoy! Ya hear me? DEAD!!  
  
Draco: C'mon, dude, gimmie your best shot!!  
  
Ron: CUT!! PRINT!! That was great! All right, take 15! (turns to Neville)now, what did you want to say to me?  
  
Neville: Uh, boss? There's no film in here.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
MY MISTAKE!!  
  
Harry: (hanging from a cliff) HELP!! Help me! I don't want to die yet!  
  
Nearly Headless Nick: Hang on, my boy! I'll bring you up safely! (glides down beneath Harry) now, jump, my boy!  
  
Harry: (jumps) AAHHH!!! (goes through Nearly Headless Nick) This isn't doing me much goooooood! (falls down cliff)  
  
NHN: (glances down) My mistake.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
WHEREFORE ART THOU??  
  
Hermione: (in Juliet's costume) Harry! Harry! Wherefore art thou?  
  
(crickets in the background)  
  
Hermione: Harry?  
  
(crickets in the background)  
  
Hermione: He.he stood me up! WAHHHH!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
VALENTINE'S DAY  
  
Ron: (in Cupid's diaper, holding a bow and arrow, singing) Oh, Parvati, my love, I love you always, you are my light!  
  
Draco: Weasley, Valentine's day was yesterday.  
  
Ron: (very red) Um.SOOOO????  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
ROBBIN'  
  
Hermione: Harry, we don't have any more food to feed our baby, what are we going to do?  
  
Harry: Don't cry, Mione, we'll figure things out.  
  
Hermione: Our baby's going to starve! How 'bout this, I'll go out and steal some food for the baby.  
  
Harry: No, Mione, we can't commit such a crime. (puts stocking on face, picks up huge knife) I'll go out and rob a bank, you wait here.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
NOWHERE ISLAND: PART TWO  
  
Harry: Look everybody! It's a plane! We're saved! Hallelujah!  
  
Ginny: All right! We can go home now!  
  
Hermione: Let's go, everybody!  
  
Ron: Gee, we really had fun, didn't we?  
  
Everyone: Yeah.  
  
(gets on plane and start to head home)  
  
Ron: Hey, Harry. Do you feel as though we're missing something?  
  
Harry: (making out with Hermione on the plane) No.  
  
Ron: That's strange. Why do I feel that way? Oh, well.  
  
(back at the NOWHERE ISLAND)  
  
Draco: Hello? Hello? Anybody here? Help! Crabbe? Goyle? .Potter?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Harry: I'm sorry, everybody, that that was so short. MoonlightGoddess has writer's block right now. And she's taking a few days off to prepare for her piano exam on the 24th. But rest assured that she'll have the next chapter written up and posted by Tuesday.  
  
Draco: And coming up, on the next chapter.a live talkshow! With all your favorite people! Oh, and please review the chapter! MoonlightGoddess really appreciates the ones she got. She's waiting for more!  
  
Harry: I can't believe we're actually friendly with each other.  
  
Draco: Neither can I. 


	3. Author's Note

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey, everybody, I'm really sorry I didn't get to post up chapter 3 yesterday, something happened to my computer and for some reason, it won't let me access the Internet. Well, anyway, I want to thank all the people who reviewed. You know who you are. This chapter is dedicated to you. I also hope to have the fourth chapter up soon. Harry's Diaries. A series of diary entries from the gang's diaries. Shocking news! Please read and review!! 


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